Letting Go

Hi everyone. It's been a while. I hope all is well for you.
I've been having a tough time the last few weeks, mostly because I can't seem to grasp that God's will is perfect and He Himself is sovereign. It's interesting to me that I have seen God provide miraculously in so many ways on so many different occasions, and yet, again I doubt His faithfulness. Perhaps this is just what sinful nature does. Perhaps this doubting of Almighty God is simply the result of a heart that has been blackened by sin time after time. But there are no excuses for doubting. God has more than adequately displayed His power, not only in creation but in my own life.
I was struggling with this most strongly last night. I've got 4 more weeks left before it's time to leave home and go to GA. I'm still rather short on the funds that I need. Okay... very short. I've been praying that God will provide and my prayers have sounded like this, "God you know I need this, when are you going to take care of it? I'm starting to get worried because it's looking like You might not come through. God I know this is Your will for me, so umm... whenever you get arouond to taking care of it, that would be good. Okaythanksbye."
Prayers like that will get you nowhere, in my opinion, because they are all about us and not about Him. My focus was stuck on the fact that I want to do GO TELL, and since I've decided that I want that, it must be what God wants, right? WRONG.
I don't think that God minds giving us gifts and sharing His wealth with us, after all, the Bible says that every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights. What I think God does mind is us coming to Him like He's obligated to do what we want Him to do the moment we "ask" Him to do it. So I changed my approach to petitioning God for provision, and insight into His will, and let me tell you something that I found amazing: the moment I finished praying for God's will to take root in my heart over my own, for God to glorify His name through the life He's given me, for God to take GO TELL and only give it back if it was way He would get the most glory, I was peaceful. For the first time in a few days, I had a calm spirit that was not fretting over funds. God quieted my heart... and in that quiet, God said, "I have taken care of it, my daughter. I will take care of you."
Please don't mistake me and think that I think that I literally heard God speak. That's not what I'm saying here. I'm saying that God spoke to my heart. And when I "heard" the words, "I have taken care of it," I did not immediately wonder who had paid for my summer, or how GO TELL is going to work out, I knew that He meant that He has already orchestrated His will. My life is taken care of, and He is the One doing the caring.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. Please continue to pray with me that God's will be done, and that He gains the utmost glory from my life.