Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Failure-ish... is that even a word? Dang, I even fail at that.

Just kidding, I'm not quite that down on myself today. Maybe tomorrow though....
So I just need to vent. Today I am feeling like a total failure. I am 22 years old, halfway to 23 and I have no college degree (although I do have almost 60 hours of credit), I still live at home with my mom and grandparents and sisters, and I have not one, but two dead end jobs, neither of which I particularly love.... And now I want to cry.

I hate that I'm feeling this way, mostly because of what has brought this on. Last night I received adn e-mail from a friend that I graduated with. He has since graduated from A&M, spent a semester doing missions in Senegal and is getting ready to go through yet another discipleship program before he heads off to be a missionary. This morning I saw on Facebook that one of the girls that I was good friends with in high school had her first baby this week. On Monday, I heard from another of my high school friends who finished his training at CFNI and is living his call as a youth pastor in Kansas. As I type, I'm reminded of my best friend, who loves her job, her husband and her son.

I'm not trying to paint my friends' lives in a rosy light. I know that each one has their struggles. And I'm not saying that I wish that I was where they are. What I am saying is that I wish I was not where I am. Yes, there are certain aspects of my life that I love and am very happy with, but on the whole, I feel like I have nothing to show for my 22.5 years on this planet. I have accomplished nothing that I want to accomplish and if I don't get on the ball, I'm going to look up and I'll be 30 years old, still just barely squeaking by, without a degree, working at a job I couldn't care for less. And that scares me to death.

Happy Wendesday... yeesh.

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